Someone shit on the floor
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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