i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
