My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
