Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
