and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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