Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
