she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
