Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
