In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
