pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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