I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
