is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
