it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
