You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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