This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
