Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize