This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
