Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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