I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize