Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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