Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
