I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize