the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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