i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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