I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
