I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
