trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
