Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
