idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
