I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
where does the pee come out of this thing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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