is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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