you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize