Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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