The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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