I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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