used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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