Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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