She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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