he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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