My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
