i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
