Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
