i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
