You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
