I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
