I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
