I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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