I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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