Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am one with the molecules
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
