ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
