Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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