You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
