a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
