brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i permit you to call me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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