If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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