We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
