Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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