why do cheetos always look like penises
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
