I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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