until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
