I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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