we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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