Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
