i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
