Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
