Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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