he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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